Tag Archives: confession

An update…

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Life is funny. Just when I think I have a good routine down and things are smoothly sailing along…BAM. Life happens. And for us, that means a new life–I’m pregnant! Baby number #3 is due in the end of September. Basically this means, I’ve been a COMPLETE slacker in 99% of the areas of my life–my house is a mess, my boys watch too much TV, I avoid cooking, and all I want to do is sleep. Last week I finally felt more “myself” and a lot less nauseous, so I’m hoping my slobbish slacking will come to end and I’ll find some motivation to get my act together.

Here are some pictures of the boys that we used to announce on social media…C is pretty excited about the new baby, and of course H has no clue what is happening and just how much his world is going to be rocked.

number 2

number 3

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Reflection

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2014 was hard. Very. Very. Hard.

I am SO eager to see what 2015 has in store for our family, because I have an inkling it’ll be better than 2014, but even if it isn’t, I know now that we can probably handle whatever is in store.

If I think over the past year, it was really only the second half of the year that was difficult. The first half was a bit of a blur–the usual school/work/church/life/family/friends/chasing toddlers busy-ness.

July was a mix of excitement and faith….putting a house on the market, leaving my babies behind for a week long mission trip, and learning to let go a little.

August taught me that it was possible to keep a house “show-worthy” with two littles and a husband and a dog. I honestly didn’t know I could keep a home as spotless as I did while working full-time. Looking back, I’m certain I didn’t spend much quality time with my guys though–I mostly followed behind them picking up, dusting, sweeping, and shining.

September taught me to trust God’s timing–an offer fell through, or rather didn’t even make it to contract. I suddenly knew one of the highest of highs and (thought) the lowest of lows. Thankfully, on September 18th, another offer DID lead to a contract…

October 2014 was quite possibly the most STRESSFUL month of my life–planning a move, making that move (all the while blogging and venting about it), and then REALLY experiencing lows–losing a fury family member within a week of moving, followed by a dreaded phone call that our buyers wanted to back out. I remember thinking things couldn’t get much worse, and then November rolled around…I had a miscarriage–a chemical pregnancy–some sort of sick joke nature plays where you think you’re just having a period but really you’re not. In some ways, I wish I had never known–it just led to heartache, questions, and blood tests, but in other ways, I’m grateful I know that some of my CRAZINESS was really due to a cocktail of hormones and not just me losing my mind. (At least that’s what I tell my hubby.)

C.S. Lewis quotable

December has been an absolute BLUR. On the 5th, we FINALLY closed on the house, with the buyers who signed on September 18th! We then frantically bought Christmas gifts, along with making quite a few, and had a slew of celebrations with family and friends–I believe we participated in 7 or 8 Christmas meals and gift exchanges.

All this leads me to realize how BLESSED we are. Yes, moving was hard. Losing Izzy and a baby was hard, but I believe that our marriage is stronger, and my faith is too.

2015 will be FULL of changes too, and I know it will be hard–we are going to become a one income family, I’m going to make the huge adjustment of staying home with the boys, and (Lord willing) focus more on an Etsy shop, Junk Hippy, and photography….hurrah for “momtrepreneurship.” 😉

Sometimes he teaches me

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Ever had a bad night? Like a REALLY bad night? Like you actually have the thought that you need to escape the room/house or you may physically harm an animal or dog? I hope that’s not just me….

Bedtime can be an absolute beast at our house, especially on football nights. My boys are generally well-behaved, fun to be around, full of laughs and sweet. However, if Daddy is gone and it’s after 8 pm, it’s like a switch is flipped. I know there are many nights my attitude doesn’t help–by that time of day, I’m DONE. EXHAUSTED. Between, work, house showings, cooking, the everyday runnings of a household, being a wife and mom, I’m just plain TIRED. So when 9 pm rolls around and both boys are STILL GOING STRONG, I start to have a slight mental unhinging. (Also, it never fails, our dog will bark or pace at this point, which usually leads to me spouting obscenities at her–in my head.)

Recently, the hubby was gone to a middle school football game, and bed time came…after 49 minutes of rocking the baby brother, I attempted to just lay down with him. After an additional 20 minutes of literal kicking and babbling, big brother came to join us. The following 15 minutes consisted of a lot of threatening, then moving big brother to his room. Finally, the boys seemed to be calming down, but only after lots of tears and screaming. At long last, around 10:02 pm, baby brother fell asleep, and when I went to tuck big brother in, he looked at me and said, “Momma, I want God to help me take a nap.” Me too, little guy! Me too.

How often, do I NOT ask God to give me grace during what seem to be the small, mundane moments? I have a terrible voice that tells me He has bigger fish to fry, and my boys going to sleep is not something I need to trouble Him. How wrong! He cares about the everyday, mundane acts–the ones that seem so small but can so quickly become overwhelming. I’m hoping and praying that next time bedtime is a beast, and I’m doing it solo that I am reminded of my toddler’s sweet thought that “God can help us take a nap.”

Ambition?

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I’ve been mulling over something Mark Bearden said recently at our church, ANY goal, plan, or ambition that is not driven by the glory of God and the advancement of His Kingdom is selfish ambition. {I’ve paraphrased, as I don’t remember his exact words.}

This REALLY hit home–how often do I make plans, dream of the future, and not give any thought at all to the advancement of God’s Kingdom and HIS ultimate glory? Instead, I focus on what will bring me the most personal fulfillment, pleasure, praise or monetary gain.

I have dreams of operating a successful photography business, dreams of an Etsy store, dreams of being a SAHM/WAHM, dreams of gardens, and *gasp* maybe even a couple chickens and a compost bin. Are these things that I want to do for ME or will they bring God glory and honor? Will I advance His Kingdom and make His name known?

Will what I do MATTER in eternity?

Perhaps an update is appropriate…

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This will probably end up being a rather lengthy, random, catch-all post of sorts….perhaps I’ll find the time to add pictures later.

Summer is over. {Insert sad-face emoji here} I had some rather good intentions about blogging over the summer, but chose instead to ignore those intentions and focus on putting our house on the market. We spent June “playing”–zoo trips, parks, walks, play dates with friends, VBS, Jim Thorpe game, cleaning, decluttering, more cleaning, more decluttering. On July 1st, we met with a realtor, and by July 6th, our home was listed online with photos. Ever since, we’ve had a s t e a d y stream of showings along with one offer (the buyers backed out within two weeks of offering though). Unfortunately, things don’t seem to be moving very quickly. I’m learning more in this time than ever before to just trust God’s timing. He holds the world in His hands, so I’m pretty sure He can handle the selling of our place. Also, since football season is in full swing, I’m not too keen on someone buying it *NOW* because I’d end up doing 90% of the packing, searching for a new place, and the stressing. Oh and  Mom and I have less than a month before Junk Hippy, so there’s that….

Basically, life is busy, overwhelming, and I’m having to DAILY choose to meditate on Isaiah 26:3-4, “You will keep {her} in perfect peace, because {she} trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for in God the Lord, we have an everlasting rock.”

Well, poop.

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Almost four years ago, I was expecting my first child. With that came certain expectations–in all honesty, I wanted a girl. I wanted a dainty, precious, tender-hearted sweet girl who would sleep on a schedule, never get into anything dirty, play with dolls, and paint nails. God has a sense of humor, and at times it seems a little twisted to me. Four years and two boys later there is nothing dainty about our house, and there is LOTS. OF. DIRT. See this precious face….would you guess that this face has to be washed EVERY night because it’s usually covered in dirt, snot, food, and who knows what else?

DSC_7211 copy

That sweet face, well, he ate poop. The hubby and I were sanding and cleaning off the siding on the house in an effort to get ready to sell (whole other post), and the boys were playing at their sand table. I glanced to do a check and make sure they were still getting along somewhat peacefully. I was puzzled when I noticed H was chewing something with a rather disgusted look on his face. Immediate panic set in when I crammed my fish-hook finger in his mouth to scrape out what he was chewing…poop. Dang dog poop. In four years we’ve had our fair share of poop encounters, but this was the grossest to me…my child was eating poop. I debated googling what to do, but figured that would just end in the assumption that he was going to die from it, so cringing, I broke out the water hose, did my best to scrape any remains of feces out of his precious mouth, and let him guzzle water.

DSC_7182opy

Thank you God for your sense of humor, precious boys who eat dirt and poop, but thank you most of all for letting them survive it! Also, if my little guy ever argues with me about trying a new food, I’m going to remind him that he was willing to try dog poop, so he sure as heck can try anything!

 

Week 11!?!?!

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So the mighty, mighty Redskins made the playoffs. Glory! (and if I’m being honest, crap.) Game 10 was a nail-biter for sure. (side-note: failed to blog game 9, which was an amazing win against Ada. A very good game, and quite the upset!) Back to game 10. Senior night. Home game. Rivalry. Predicted to lose. My hubby becomes quite the competitor and planner. He came home from work one night all excited about how they were going to “one up” the Panthers. Apparently, they’d gotten wind that Harrah had decided to warm up on their own field and walk onto ours at the last minute. He then got to brainstorming ideas of how they could outdo Harrah’s last minute arrival. Here’s the entrance:

If I’m being honest, I struggle(d) with this entrance. I just feel there’s something to be said for coming on a field quietly, humbly, and THEN defeating a team–kind of an “actions speak louder than words and rap songs” type of thing. However, this entrance and this win made my man the happiest since I’ve seen him in a long time (maybe ever). I told a friend he seemed more excited after their win than he did after the birth of our boys. Also, I know there’s a lot to be said for getting young men “pumped up” before a game. So an amazing win. Down to the wire. (see article for details: http://www.news-star.com/article/20131109/SPORTS/131109736 )I was probably the only one standing and cheering on the outside and crying on the inside. As a coach’s wife (with young kids and a wedding rehearsal two hours away the night of the playoff game) I feel this inner conflict about playoffs. I sincerely WANT them to win. I WANT my husband to do well. I WANT to see him happy and successful, BUT I also WANT him home. 🙂 I miss him during football season, and while I want them to win, part of me is excited when it finally ends. Whew. Confession done. Please don’t hate me. So on to week 11. I won’t get to watch, but I sincerely (okay, now you know the truth, like 85% of me) want them to win! 😉