Day 23: When the poop hits the fan {#write31days}

And the bottom drops out

Weeping and gnashing of teeth

The pit of despair

Crap.

Sucks.

Make a choice. When things don’t go our way, when things are depressing, worrisome, or just plain crappy, make a choice. I can choose to wallow in misery, self-pity, doubt, anxiousness, and despair OR I can choose JOY. I can live out James 1:2-4 and Consider it ALL joy.

Consider it all

We recently got a call from our realtor and our buyers’ buyers are not going to be able to follow through and close on their house; therefore, our buyers can’t buy our house. After literally FREAKING out and having a complete meltdown, I was convicted at just how easily my faith wavers. God is still in control. He knew before we even made a move that this would happen.

My hubby was great with me. He let me freak out, and then as only a man can, he suggested how we would “fix it.” He offered to take on a second job, work with his dad, or start driving a bus for extra money. We talked about me doing more photography or opening an etsy shop or adding things to my Mom’s booth in an antique store. We talked about what we can do without–no TV or internet at our place, no eating out, no Sonic runs, no extras of any kind. We prayed together, and gave it all to God.

I’m constantly reminded as I continue the unpacking process and face this whole we-still-own-a-house-and-are-renting-another, how much of it is just STUFF. It doesn’t matter in eternity. It’s not relationship. It’s not people. It’s not a legacy. It’s not giving God glory. It’s STUFF…{kinda makes me want to go on a massive purge}.

I could so easily dwell on worry—how will we pay for both homes, boys’ birthdays (along with TEN other family members), Christmas, etc. Will we even be able to come out “on top” when our home finally sells? INSTEAD, I need to focus on what we have to be thankful for–we aren’t homeless, in fact, we have two homes! No one in our immediate family is sick. We have good jobs. We have family and friends who love and support us. Most of all, we have a God who is Sovereign. He knows the number of hairs on my head; He knows my heart, my worries, my fears, and He’s going to take care of it all.

If anyone knows me well, they know I’m a natural worrier–I believe I come by this genetically. 😉 In all honesty, my first reaction to situations like this is not to pray or to say “God is in control.” Unfortunately, my initial reaction is to call my husband or mom instead of going to the One who knows all things. I’m learning. Perhaps, this is just another lesson in reminding me to do that–give it to Him.

And when the poop hits the fan….it may be messy, it may not be fun, but I have a choice to make, and I’m going to CHOOSE joy. I choose to trust God. I choose to give glory to His name no matter the circumstances. 

Day 22: He Knows {#write31days}

I’ve had Jeremy Camp’s latest song, “He Knows” running through my head. I’m thankful to know I’m not alone in anxious times. I know our “suffering” is so very minuscule in the grand scheme of things, but for now, things aren’t easy…more on that tomorrow.

He Knows

Day 21: Blockhead {#write31days}

I’ve hit a wall. A large brick one. It seems I have a combination of writer’s block/I-don’t-care-anymore/laziness/stress/exhausted/how-many-more-boxes-could-we-possibly-have?!?

It is Day 21 of Write 31 Days, and I can honestly say I am SHOCKED that I haven’t missed a day. If I hadn’t committed to this and kept up with others in our FB group, I wouldn’t bother to write today. Today would be a day to miss. It’s an “I really don’t have anything to say” kind of day, but I’m committed. I’m going to write for 31 days straight. I refuse to miss this late in the game.

SO, day 21–NOTHING earth shattering. NOTHING important. NOTHING worth nothing, BUT I am writing. So, day 21 is done.

This totally counts, right?

Day 20: The BEST Dog Ever {#write31days}

Warning: this is a longer post just because I want to remember details…

On Saturday, October 18th at 10:59 pm, Izzy died in my husband’s arms. At the time, I was an emotional mess. Now, I see just how many things we have to be thankful for. Her death was quick–she seemed fine and happy during the day, we got home around 9 pm, and she wouldn’t walk, eat, or drink. She passed away by 11. That is a VERY quick process in my mind–I’m grateful we didn’t have long days of her in pain or having to make the decision of whether or not to put her down. I’m grateful she seemed comfortable and was held by the one who loved her most when she passed. I’m grateful the boys were both asleep when it happened. The night was VERY hard and the next day was too–coming home from church was the hardest. I’ve grown so used to telling the boys, “let’s go see Izzy” when we are heading home from somewhere. My oldest kept repeatedly calling for her or asking why she died. I explained she was sick with a thing called cancer and was now with Jesus, the angels, and Charlie. He then replied that he was going to die so he could see Izzy….

izzy

I got Izzy from a shelter in Prague, OK in the fall of 2008. She was probably two years old, and she was listed on PetFinder as Isadora. I’ll never forget when I first met her–my dad went with me, and I held her in my lap on the ride to Wellston. She was shaking the whole time. She LOVED dominating my parents’ dogs, and she stayed at their house and my aunt’s house until Christmas Eve, when I gave her to my husband.

On Christmas Even, wearing a jingle bell collar, she ran out of Memaw’s spare bedroom into a living room full of family. I think I had Rusty open a ring box with her dog tag in it. Everyone loved her–she was fierce, but playful, protective, loving, LOYAL, and wanted to always be near Rusty or I.

For two years, she was our baby. She slept under blankets or our bedding until the last few months–one of the side effects of the medicine we tried made her feel hot and she no longer “burrowed.” She went with us to our parents’ anytime we left home. We took her to family get-togethers, took her on walks, bought her chew toys, rawhides, treats, and taught her tricks like saying “bang” and she’d roller over “dead.” She slept in our bed every. single. night., under the covers, at our feet or curled up behind knees. She was extremely protective of the hubby–if I playfully hit him, she’d go NUTS and “attack” me.

She kept me constant company during football seasons–in the fall of 2009 and 2010, she’d curl up on the couch with me after school every day and take a nap. She would bark like crazy sometimes–a trait I did not like, but it was usually because she was being protective or warning us of something.

She ate my panties…like don’t leave any laundry lying on the floor, clean or dirty. She’d turn them intro crotchless undies. Gross, I know, but something we laugh about. We once had to take her to the ER because she at more than FIVE.

She loved to play fetch with tennis balls in the house, but never really learned to “drop” the ball–she wanted you to yank it out of her mouth.

My favorite times with Izzy were when I was pregnant with Cannon–it’s like she knew the days I needed extra affection or rest or just to be left alone. She was my constant companion before I had him.

I will be totally candid in saying that my affection for her wavered once the boys came along–my husband’s did not. He continued cuddling her, calling her his baby, and his only girl. I admire him for that. I will miss the boys yelling for her or chasing her and her chasing them around the house (all while screaming and barking loudly). I will miss her eating our crumbs or even snatching things out of they boys’ hands. I will miss her protective nature, and I will miss how she so desperately wanted to be by my side even if I didn’t want her around.

Izzy truly exemplified unconditional love.

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Day 19: Have Faith in God {#write31days}

Have faith in God when your pathway is lonely.
He sees and knows all the way you have trod;
Never alone are the least of His children;
Have faith in God, have faith in God.

Have faith in God when your prayers are unanswered,
Your earnest plea He will never forget;
Wait on the Lord, trust His word and be patient,
Have faith in God. He’ll answer yet.

Have faith in God in your pain and your sorrow,
His heart is touched with your grief and despair;
Cast all your cares and your burdens upon Him,
And leave them there, oh, leave them there.

Have faith in God though all else fall about you;
Have faith in God, He provides for His own:
He cannot fail though all kingdoms shall perish.
He rules. He reigns upon His throne.

Have faith in God, He’s on His throne,
Have faith in God, He watches over His own;
He cannot fail, He must prevail,
Have faith in God, Have faith in God.

~B.B. McKinney

Day 18: These walls {#write31days}

these walls

have heard

the laughter of a young married couple

the lonely cries of a wife

the debates of two people in love

the barking of a dog

the joy of a pregnancy

the sickness of a pregnancy

the cries of a baby

the cries of a new mother

the bouncing of a new father

the desperate prayers of parents

the giggles of a baby boy

the wrestling of a dad and his boys

the squeals of delight on Christmas

the thankful sighs of a family

the tears of good-bye

 

Day 17: Things don’t always go as planned {#write31days}

I’m reminded of the verse in Proverbs, “The mind of man plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps.” This could not be more true today. Today we were planning on closing on our house, but the Lord has directed other steps. We don’t know when closing will happen–we’ve been told it’s moving forward, still going to happen, but it’s out of our hands. I’m trusting that God’s plan is better than any I could come up with, and perhaps today will hold some extra special memories since we’re not tied up at a title office signing paper after paper.

proverbs

On a side note: I’m a little over half-way through this “series” of #write31days, and it’s been interesting to see it play out. While I called it “Make a Move,” I feel now that I could’ve titled it something about Trusting in God or Sovereignty. I intended to write about moving tips and tricks–how we’ve managed to move with littles, but all I’ve done is see just how little I know and how much I need to rely on God and the help of others. It’s forced me to see how prideful I normally am–I hate asking for help. I so want to be in control and have it all together, but I don’t. Moving has helped me see just how much I don’t control things, and how much we NEED others in our lives to come along side and help in times of change or need.

So, we’re not closing today. Things haven’t gone as we’d planned, but I STILL Trust in God. He’s on His throne.

Day 16: I get by with a little help from my friends {#write31days}

We could NOT have moved without a very helpful group of people–our family, our tribe, our village. My parents and the hubby’s parents help[ed] us continually by caring for our boys, my sisters and some friends form church helped with packing and childcare. On moving day, we had two ladies and four men from our Sunday School class and my sisters and brothers-in-law. My mom watched the boys, and we moved in under four hours. (unpacking and getting settled is never-ending it seems).

a lot of stuff

I truly struggle sometimes with letting my guard down and showing that I DON’T have it all together–I NEED help. These people are the ones that I can be vulnerable with. I can let them see that things are not always hunky dory, and they don’t judge me for it. Without them around on moving day, well, we’d still be moving things. We are TRULY grateful and blessed to have such amazing friends and family who tirelessly give of their time and energy to help us out.

Day 14: Best. Husband. Ever {#write31days}

I’m going to brag on my man.

He works hard. Really hard. He spends countless hours teaching and coaching students, and the few spare moments he has, he’s devoting to his wife and boys. He worked SO hard this past weekend–coaching a rain delayed game until 11:00pm, home around 12:30 am, and up the next morning by 7 am to get ready for our move.

move that truck

sleepy man

In the last two weeks, he has repeatedly shown me how appreciative he is of all the work I’ve done to get our things packed and prepped for the move–I even got a sweet card and dark chocolate. While those meant a lot, it was small things like bringing me hot mustard and a really BIG thing like missing a JV game because his wife is “emotional and overwhelmed.” I love him. He is my calm, and I really don’t know what I’d do without him.

P.S. He’d hate these pictures, but they capture a few fun memories of our move.